Each week Dr Mung will share with you some beauty tips she's gathered from her 30 years running Strathcarnage's premier Beauty Salon, "The Soiled Towel". This week, some much requested tips for dealing with the 'smeller in the cellar'. All us ladies, at some point in our lifes, will suffer from an unfortunate condition we girls here at the salon like to refer to as Stinky Pum Pum.
This is nothing to be embarassed about, but unless treated can lead to more serious conditions such as 'Milkman's Crotch' or 'The Hangman's Curl'. And, as in most matters of the body are concerned, as the old Strathcarnage saying goes "Get the harbour swept before the seagulls arrive."
Here, to aid in your fight against nature's attempts to rot your gusset, are some quick and easy tips.
Batter a soapy flannel around the marshes before you hit the hay
Boil wash underwear in a good strong solution of bleach and carbolic soap
Keep a cylinder of potent perfumed oils onhand to deal with sudden outbursts
Wipe well after pee pees with a stout cloth or a firm bristled brush
Seek medical attention if the condition is attracting pets or causing family members to become faint or nauseaous
Attempt to solve the problems by taking up strenuous exercise
Move house, blaming the smell on heavy rain and recent drain damage
Self medicate with loose mint imperials
If you follow my tips and stil find you're experiencing problems, feel free to contact me at The Soiled Towel for a free consultation. We have very understanding staff and have just invested in an on-site steam pressure washer.